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Childhood Anxiety
"A phase," "a rough time," "a difficult week," "something's wrong, but I don't know what." All these parental assessments of a child might be pointing to the same phenomenon: a period of anxiety. Just as in adults, anxiety in children can take many forms.
Needless to say, some children are far more prone by temperament to this experience than others. We all know (or even have as our own) a particularly anxious child, a worrier, an over-reactor, a real nervous-nelly who sees the potential threats in any situation.
We also know the even-keeled youngster who manages to move through life seemingly able to cope with ups and downs with minimal discomfort. By the time a youngster is five, if not sooner, a parent has a quite good notion of an offspring's baseline level of anxiety. Deviations from this level cause a parent to take notice.
How does anxiety manifest in a child?
• Irritability; a sense of being constantly annoyed; complaining about petty things;
• Worrying about what is going to happen next; needing reassurance about things usually taken for granted; major distress over minor physical complaints;
• Difficulty falling asleep; waking up more frequently in the night;
• The return of old fears and worries that have been outgrown;
• Reverting to immature behaviors reminiscent of previous stages of development: whining, possessiveness, thumb-sucking, pouting, tantruming, clinging, and demanding of immediate gratification of needs;
• Becoming easily upset by minor changes in routine, scenes on television, reprimands, and sibling dissension;
• Excessive day dreaming, television viewing, or absorption in solitary activities which exclude others; sudden difficulty with peer relationships; uncharacteristic problems at school — lack of attention, resistance to assignments.
In the course of an "ordinary" childhood, unmarked by such traumatic circumstances such as death of a parent, abuse, divorce, or serious illness, what can cause these anxiety-filled episodes?
Growing up! As children pass from one developmental stage into the next, a variety of shifts and changes occur. In a sense, there is a falling apart, followed by a pulling back together. These periods of readjustment create anxious feelings: change is not easy, even when it is part of a natural process. With each new stage, novel skills have to be learned, new situations mastered. It takes the combination of the physiological maturing of the neurological system coupled with practice. Before a child is "experienced," many a mistake has been made!
Typical times for such occurrences come as children enter first grade, and then again as youngsters move into fourth grade. Sixth grade tends to be hard for boys, and 8th grade is for girls. In between these major, extended times of anxiety, there can be a number of smaller episodes.
• A child may have done something he or she feels is wrong and is keeping secret, so as not to disappoint a parent or incur punishment;
• Hearing about an upsetting incident, such as a robbery in the neighborhood, a fire in a nearby building, or the divorce of a friend's parent can start a child imagining that such things may soon strike close to home;
• Misunderstanding or misinterpreting an overheard adult conversation can easily result in some fearful preoccupations and needless distress;
• The anticipation of a new event, such as moving, changing schools, going on vacation, or spending the night at friend's house for the first time can be accompanied by anxiety; the unknown is always a bit frightening;
And, sometimes there is no clear, underlying reason, just simple, "free-floating" anxiety landing at an unexpected time. Such a feeling, in itself, can cause even more consternation, because it creates an unpleasant feeling state within the youngster, making him or her feel "different" from usual. Anxiety then feeds on itself.
What can parents do to help the child through these times?
• Help your child to identify the feeling, "You seem a little more worried or nervous than usual; can you think of anything that might be upsetting you?" Try to see the world though your child's eyes, and suggest some possible explanations for what might be making him or her feel so apprehensive; to identify the source is 90% of the job;
• Talk, talk, talk; keep the conversation going, keep in touch, be available. Remind the youngster that such feelings are normal, that all people have times when they feel this way.
• Cut down on the schedule. Anxiety takes a lot of energy away from a person; it can be very helpful to slow down, do less, cut back on social activities, and do more "cocooning" at home;
• Increase displays of physical affection and closeness; give plenty of reassurance of unconditional parental love; feeling connected and close to others is a great antidote;
• Eliminate overly stimulating or provocative movies or TV shows; keep the atmosphere calmer and predictable; stick to routines.
Above all, communicate to your child that all change and growth — doing new things, getting older, growing up — are accompanied with feelings of apprehension, worry, uneasiness, and anxiety. That's just the way we humans are. Welcome to the club!
David M. Lowry, Ph. D.
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